About 4 months ago, I started my assignment as editor-in-chief here at the Asylum. It’s been a breeze. The only thing I had to get use to was the name of Henry – which they thought was perfect for me. I’m not quite sure about that one but I’ve learned to put up with it.
As far as everything else goes, I have all the tricks mastered so that these humans – my “owners” – as these guys here like to call themselves, are wrapped tightly around each paw. Whichever paw I choose to use, I have a collection of tricks I can use to get about anything I want from them. None of the folks roaming around here at the Asylum can resist me. They are powerless to my charms. My manipulation techniques are quite a wonder to behold, actually.
But as with most dogs, those who love us are completely under our power. Whether we are of the more contemplative of breeds or of the more energetic variety, like I am, we use the same bag of tricks to cast our spell. The tilting of head while they’re talking to us; the look of being completely famished in our eyes so that we can get treats; the wagging of our tails when they come through the door, or in my case, I like to wag my entire backside to show how much I love them. And of course our kisses…any of these gimmicks and many more are at our disposal.
As far as my editing duties here, they are quite easy given what is being written here. I mean, it’s not like they’re writing metaphysical dissertations or rocket science papers. I generally look over the copy and if it’s not quite up to snuff, I ignore them. If I approve, I lick myself. It’s all quite easy, I assure you!
So, there isn’t anything I want or need for Christmas because everyday here at the Asylum is Christmas for me. If only you were lucky enough to be a dog at this place.
But I do wish you and yours a very happy and joyous Holiday season!
(And don’t tell anyone, but I have left some choice gifts of my own, if you catch my drift, in places the owners will be sure to step into at some point when the snow melts!)
P.S. And for all you dogs out there wondering how you too can latch onto an elk antler like the one I’m enjoying in the clip below…it is very simple. Be kind to all. As I demonstrate, just a kiss to a pretty visitor who dropped by the Asylum is sometimes all it takes!
Dispatches from the Asylum 