Ignoring the latest earth-shattering news that the electoral “collage” did their thing, we thought we’d concentrate on some real ground-breaking stuff….
For a further analysis of this “new normal”, we met Joe D at the corner of St. Paul and Madness Avenue for some of his politically incorrect wisdom on the subject. Let’s check in with him…
Dispatches: So, Joe D… what do you think of older women loving younger men in Hollywood movies of late?
Joe D: Dude…it’s predictable and f-ing boring.
Dispatches: How so?
Joe D: Look dude…you’ve had older men latching on to younger babes in Hollywood movies for how long now? I think back to one of my favorite screwball comedies from the 40’s, The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer with Cary Grant, Myrna Loy and a very young Shriley Temple. You had a 40 year old artist getting it on with a 16 year school girl. ‘Bout time Hollywood turned the tables and let women in on the fun.
Dispatches: I don’t think “getting it on” appropriately describes the set-up of that movie.
Joe D: Probably not, but who cares. The hint of it was there. You know, it’s all tantalizing shit – that’s all these Hollywood shits can come up. I mean look at the crappy outer space movies. The poor cats that see these movies – hoping for other worlds, for time travel, for intelligent life forms – it’s all fantasy, dude. Just as it’s a fantasy that a Cary Grant type guy is going to sweep some young girl off her feet or that a younger dweeb of a dude is gonna get lucky with a classy woman who is 10…20 years older than he is. Ain’t gonna happen dude.
Dispatches: Appears people just want escapism type movies.
Joe D: And who can blame them, dude. Life….real life is a piece of shit for the most part. People have to have some type of fantasy. If they didn’t, they’d go mad. I knew this cat once who swore that he’d time travelled. No shit, dude. Came up with all sorts of zany wet dreams that he’d been back to King Arthur’s time, the time of Christ and on and on. I had to call him on it. Sadly, it was in front of his family but hey…it had to be done. Just like the time I’m sitting there in church, the priest starts in with his homily, and dude, I had to call him on it. I stood up and told him what he was spouting off was pure horseshit. Got up and left to do what I should have done in the first place…had a smoke.
Dispatches: Okey dokey…so, I take it you don’t like any of the movies made these days?
Joe D: Are you kidding dude or what? It’s 2016! Hollywood spews out their brain dead entertainment in the hopes that we’ll buy into their version of what life is about. It’s sad, dude. But what else is there? You got the nitty gritty – truth, you know…the real shit is completely buried – nowhere to be found. Long gone, dude. History is written by the victors so who knows what’s really happened in the thousands of years before. Like the other day, I’m standing here on the corner and some joker starts in, talking about how his father makes these great violins. So, I’m letting the guy talk his shit and he goes on about how no one has been able to replicate the Stradivarius. And so I say to him, oh yeah, dude…it’s probably something really simple that made a Strad a Strad. Probably what happened is that the dude took a piss on the wood, let it age for a while and then made the violin! But who the hell knows for sure, dude. I was sorry afterward though…I think I ruined the guys day.
Dispatches: Yeah, you probably did.
Joe D: Anyway, think about it dude…do you really think they’re gonna let the talented screenwriters, gifted authors and the like….do you think Hollywood will be using any of their shit to make a movie? Not a chance. Oh yeah….they’ll let a decent flick get through every once in a while but that’s it. It’s a horseshit factory for the most part, dude. You know, they gotta make life even uglier than it is, right? I mean, they can’t be producing shit that’s deep, that’s uplifting – hell no, man. They might have people believing in shit they don’t want them believing in.
Dispatches: Pretty depressing outlook. Any recommendations for folks looking for good entertainment?
Joe D: Yeah….you want some real fireworks, some real entertainment…kick it old school and invite someone out for a cup of coffee, dinner, have them over for a drink and have an actual conversation…just make sure it’s at a place where you can smoke. Pretty damn difficult to have a good conversation without being able to light up.
Dispatches: You know those cancer sticks will kill ya’?
Joe D: Oh yeah, dude….I’ll tell ya what – when you stop driving that car of yours, spewing out tons of invisible toxic shit that I have to breath each day….I’ll quit smoking.
Photo credit: unsplash.com/@jakejules