Sticky Notes from the desk of Stephen Coldbear

Sven, our investigative reporter here at the Asylum, part-time dishwasher at The Plaza teddy-1444639_1280Motel in NYC and 2nd place prize winner of the winterfest bowling championship in the Northern Great Lakes region caught one of Mr. Coldbear’s recent diatribes and managed to get back stage, finding yet another cache of sticky notes, this time tucked away in Mr. Coldbear’s shaving kit in his lemon and lime stripped colored dressing room. Let’s take a look at what treasures he uncovered:

  • Focus this week’s negative bile, lies and venom on Putin, Russia and Dump.
  • Grow the hate. Grow the HATE!
  • Check news sources intern subscribes to.
  • Force lackeys who serve me to recite ‘Global Warming National Anthem’ that I just wrote.
  • Practice pissed-off, demon-possessed faces in mirror.
  • Try using a different pair of wife’s panty-hose. They keep bunching-up on me.
  • Keep up Jr. High, playground-bully rhetoric and attitude.
  • Dinner next Tuesday with Bobby De Nero, Leonerdo Di’Capitatrio, Pope Francis and Argentinian Boys Choir.
  • Have intern order tune-up for my bidet.
  • Get wife’s opinion about my bidet at the house.
  • RUIN f@&%*Ng CHRISTMAS!!!
  • Have intern submit ‘Global Warming National Anthem’ story to NPR, The ‘Huff’, Clinton News Network and all other approved outlets.
  • Burn lost pair of Leo’s underwear.
  • Pick up some more adult diapers.  Staff thievery suspected.
  • Practice Russian accent. My first try was SHIT!
  • EXTERMINATE ALL ‘TRUMPUTIN’S!


Categories: Current Events

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