From the Huffington Post comes the following:
Asylum’s political correspondent, Ophélie, owner of the Paris bakery, Beurre, and part time Baccarat player here at the Asylum, was able to obtain information from an unnamed source close to the Trump administration, that most of the remaining threats, promises and verbosities said by Mr. Trump during the presidential campaign were also – just for show.
“It had been decided a few months before the election that the power nut jobs running the world simply couldn’t run the risk of having another democrat in office for the next 4 years as their studies showed 98% of the country would become completely apathetic toward their government,” Ophélie relayed. “They thought it best to have Mr. Trump win, especially since most of what he said was just for show anyway. They wanted to keep alive the division, discord and at times absolute hate half of the country has for the other half. The election of Mr. Trump serves that purpose well,” she said, finishing off her morning éclair, with a cup of strong coffee in heavy cream.
When asked if she was told what promises might be kept by Mr. Trump, Ophélie said more than likely none will be kept. “I was told by my source, – Gigi, is her name, by the way – that this way they’ll have those who voted for Mr. Trump having a cow, along with those who voted for Mrs. Clinton up in arms – it’s the best possible scenario. Apathy will not be tolerated. They can’t have people turning off their TV’s, starting to read books again, taking up avocations, talking to their neighbors, teaching themselves new skills…in general doing themselves better and not paying attention to the media and government. They’re quite satisfied with the dumbed-down public as it currently stands. They really have them right where they want them….why would they mess up a good thing?
Ophélie went on to say that it will business as usual for the next 4 years. Promoting sub-mediocrity, along with making the world as intolerable for everybody but themselves remains their prime directive.
Helicopters, Private Jets, Parties and Fabulous Babes
Jetting around the globe, producing a carbon foot print the size of Texas, Leonerdo DiCapitotrio, self-proclaimed climate change expert and part-time actor, recently weighed in with some heavy thoughts about the tremendous responsibilities on his plate, outside, of course, from just being Leonerdo:
- Remember to initiate final stage of Al Gore’s replacement clone procedure. Ouch! This is gonna hurt.
- Finalize deal for thermo-nuclear war re-enactment, ‘Hollywood-Blockbuster’ style, starring ME!
- Blame nuclear holocaust on Donald Dump’s poo-pooing of Global ‘FRICKING’ Warming. GFW, byatch!
- Launch mass-production of ‘GFW’ t-shirts, buttons and cell-phone coozies,
- Create worldwide milk-carton ad campaign, posting photos of suspected Dump voters/supporters.
- Attend Sunday brunch w/ Boy Scout Troop #154, ‘Denny’s’, Lansing, Mi. Exit 12.
- Contact ‘Google’, give them the latest feed.
- Breakfast with the two Toms…Hanks and Cruise….AARRGGHH!
- Why am I such a dick?
- New deal, Amerikkka! Al Gore – President! Ellen Degernerate – first Lady?
- Secretary Of State – John Waters
- Secretary Of Defense – Jill Stein
- Press Secretary/Bidet Inspector – Stephen Colbert
- And at all costs, prevent further articles such as the one below from The Daily Mail from ever appearing again.
Leo, a missing $3bn and the real-life Great Gatsby: How Wolf of Wall Street star’s glitzy eco-foundation become embroiled in a shady international money laundering scam that casts a VERY unflattering light on his environmental crusading
And from http://www.catholic.org, comes the latest DO AS WE SAY, NOT AS WE DO lecture from Catholic Church know-it-alls.
The established community of experts agree with frightful consensus that the planet is warming because of human activity. And while nature may play a role in the natural heating of the planet it is known that the Earth’s temperature is dynamic, humans are clearly responsible for much of the present warming.
We here at the Asylum have not been able to determine exactly what a “frightful consensus” means, but who cares because “humans are clearly responsible for much of the present warming”. Indeed – clearly – or maybe even frightfully. There was no stance taken on whether leaders of the church would lead the way and voluntarily take their own lives to save the planet.
The Church does not advocate for any policies that will erode basic freedoms or human rights. Instead, the Church advocates awareness, conservation, and management of our planet’s resources for the good of all, and not just for the benefit of a mere few.
We’re not quite sure if this means that the Vatican, along with all parishes across the continent, and particularly in the USA, will cease using all carbon emitting devices, ie., cars, plans, trains, motorcycles – nearly all forms of transportation, electricity and even breathing to save the planet.
What’s next for the church appears to be excommunication for any one who doesn’t subscribe to new theories, ideas, lunacy, idiocy or insanity that the Vatican mensa’s come up with. (Check recent dispatch: Pope-a-Dope, for more Papal funnies)
…the insanity continue
To quiet the modern day madness for a spell, get creative juices going and inspire you to do what only you can do, Ophélie asked that the following be sent for your enjoyment…
Couperin – “Baricades mistérieuses” – Sylviane Deferne