Stephan Coldbear, our favorite late night talk show boy, planet know-it-all and gad-about gadfly, has been a bit testy of late. Not because we give a hoot for this tower of pomposity – but we heard through Sven, our investigative reporter here at the Asylum and part-time dishwasher at the The Plaza in NYC , that Stephan Coldbear’s student intern, Joshua, is being held against his will. Sven was able to obtain, via an old, unused dumbwaiter, sticky notes from the student intern, detailing the “horror of chores” that are part of Joshua’s daily routine. Let’s take a look….
- Arrive 10 minutes late, every shift, giving Coldbear even more stuff to piss and moan about.
- Frappuccino/wheat-grass enema, every second Tuesday. Or I’m fired.
- Stop by Wal-Mart, pick up pallet of adult diapers. He’s been shittin’ blood since Hellary lost.
- Fool friends into thinking I have the coolest job, ever.
- Get Mom’s advice on the most efficient bidet for my ‘master’.
- Make sure Coldbear’s customized, electric Segway is fully charged at end of day.
- Must not kill boss.
Items to stock in ‘Big Guy’s’ dressing room:
- ‘Lara Bars’
- ‘Depends’ (box-lot)
- Donald Trump punching-bag doll.
- Hellary blow-up doll.
- Score replacements for punctured and ravaged Hellary and Donald dolls, PRONTO!
- Get my resume to Fallon or Kimmel.