She said, He said, Ze said

From, comes this piece on accepted speech at Oxford University:

It’s not ‘he’ and ‘she’. It’s ‘ze’: Oxford University union tells students to use gender neutral pronouns so as ‘not to offend transgender undergraduates’


Sophie Buck, welfare officer of the Students Union said: ‘Events start with a speaker introducing themselves using a gender neutral pronoun.
‘It’s part of a drive to make the union intersectional.’
Franky Sissons, a transgender student at King’s College at Cambridge said: ‘Gender neutral pronouns are good…It should happen in lectures too.’

For further clarification, Dispatches from the Asylum contacted chief gender studies officer, Addison Hixley, at the Office of Freedom of Expression for ze’s take on this weighty issue:

Dispatches:  So, may we address you as Mr. or Ms. Hixley?

Ze:   Neither would be appropriate.

Dispatches:    Okay. So, how should we address you?

Ze:    That is unimportant. What matters here is whether the students at Oxford University follow the guidelines that have been established for using gender-neutral pronouns as a preferred means of identification. There are people feeling excluded and we as a people, need to ensure that everyone, no matter their gender identification, be included.

Dispatches:   And how will gender neutral pronouns help?

Ze:    There may be days when you feel like being a woman – other days when you feel like being a man. The use of “ze” will be extremely helpful to those who aren’t quite sure whether they are male or female on any given day, or are offended to be called a man or woman…or maybe don’t want to be either on a particular day, but still want to be included.

Dispatches:   Okay…we don’t get that one but let’s move on. What about restroom issues?

Ze:   What about them?

Dispatches:   Aren’t you concerned that as a woman, I mean, Ze, that it might be inappropriate for men, I mean other Ze’s, to be in the same restroom as women, I mean, Ze’s when you’re…maybe undressing, or just doing your business?

Ze:   Such matters are irrelevant. If a person needs to use the restroom, they are now accommodated as they are the only persons, or Ze’s using the restroom. If they are not comfortable with the Ze’s in the restroom, I understand the university is coming out with guidelines on what to do in such situations, although I think the recommended course of action should be to advise them to just hold it for a while.

Dispatches:   Hmmm, I see.  So what about extracurricular activities. Women’s and men’s sports teams, as an example?

Ze:    It’s NOT women’s and men’s sports anymore, but to answer your question, I’ve been informed they won’t be discontinued but they will be re-identified. All programs will be unisex from this point on. From now on it will be only Ze’s competing, whether in sports, debate, studies….everything.

Dispatches:   And the use of Sir and Madam?

Ze:    No such thing anymore. Everyone is a Ze. Gender neutral pronouns is an important first step toward making the world all inclusive and intersectional.

Dispatches:   And exactly what does that mean?

Ze:   That there no longer be any discrimination based on sex. It will be a world of Ze’s.  Ze is good looking, Ze is pretty, Ze is athletic, Ze is intelligent and so forth.

Dispatches:    And what will that bring to the world?

Ze:   Wow!  I can’t believe what an ignorant, dumb, racist, bigoted, male asshole you are!




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