Sticky Notes from the desk of Stephan Coldbear… Pre-Holiday Edition

Sven, our investigative reporter here at the Asylum, part-time dishwasher at The Underground, in Underground, TX and award winning photographer of compost bins, found another cache of sticky notes from the desk of our favorite talk show guy, know-it-all and all around boor, Stephan Coldbear.  Let’s take a look…luggage-1650174_960_720

  • Get Leonerdo Di Capitatrio nailed down for next week.
  • Leo will be a ‘special guest’ EVERY fU%&#*G NIGHT until climate changes!!!
  • Have Intern pick up 3, no, TWELVE hot pink and baby blue Hatchimals for Friday nights ‘par-tay’ with Barry & The Clintons.
  • Turn the thumb-screws on Lackey/Intern/Zombie about having my Segway fully-powered – AT ALL TIMES!
  • Kombucha/cayenne enema, tomorrow – 2:00 p.m.
  • Have Intern inflate therapeutic ass-‘donut’.
  • Force ‘maintenance stooge’ to get my parking sign to read as: “Reserved for (next line), STEPHEN COLDBEAR (next 4 lines) If you even THINK of parking here, you will be ‘taken away’ and water boarded.”
  • Ask Leo who trims his nose and ass-hairs.
  • Survival “Womantra” – THE FUTURE IS FEMALE! THE FUTURE IS FEMALE!! THE FUTURE IS FU%#&*G FEMALE!!!
  • Have Intern distribute Xmas cards and home-made, chocolate clusters in the shape and size of my baby-soft, ball-sac to the turds and whackers who work for ME.
  • Watch the ‘bedroom-eye’ thing with Leo next week. What a test THAT will be.
  • Amp up intensity for media-blitzkrieg/late-night comedy attack against those unsavory and barbaric Russians. Shove more lies up the asses of the droned-out, masses.
  • Have Intern pick up the pen under my desk….dressed up like ‘Donald Dump’.


Categories: Current Events, Home

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