Of Drones and Newscasters

sharp-1844964_640Sven, part-time dishwasher and our full time investigative reporter here at Dispatches from the Asylum has found that drones, masquerading as newscasters, have taken over local news outlets across the country

Sven, posing as a typical TV viewing citizen sat with several families over a 7-day period who still watch their local news. He uncovered the following shocking details:

78% of all local news programming was found to be either commercials, or drones reading from Teleprompters, and worse yet, 15% of the broadcast included drones going “off-teleprompter” and engaging in frivolous chitchat, or as Sven observed – babbling.

In many instances, weather drones acted out the part of Zeus, the Greek sky and storm god, pretending they had the power to fend off approaching storms, bantering with news drones saying they hoped to bring moisture to the area but it just wasn’t arriving as they anticipated. The giggling, laughing and guffawing between news and weather drones became so overwhelmingly sickening that Sven had to relieve himself of his breakfast, lunch and dinner during one nauseating broadcast. Particularly irritating was weather drones telling people to bundle up because it was 23 degrees.  As Sven noted, “it’s below freezing and these turds don’t think people have enough sense to dress warmly.” But it could be that as drones, there is no sense of hot or cold upon their fortified steel enclosures and, of course, their internal circuitry wouldn’t be subject to temperatures that someone with a beating heart would have.  Still, drones or not, Sven thought they were turds.

When the sports drones started their segment, Sven found that 99.9% of the time, he already knew the scores and stories that the sports drones reported as news.  Having a “mole” inside one local news stations, Sven found that most of the sports drones weren’t aware of the latest in technology that allowed people to have a computer in their hands 24/7 that gave them up-to-minute news, scores, and weather forecasts.

In observing other viewers during his investigation, Sven noticed that those who did pay attention to these newscasts became almost catatonic when watching. Their mouths would hang open, sometimes drool was evident, dripping from their lips, and they seemed to actually believe the drones cared about them. Some even believed that the news presented wasn’t a scripted presentation.

His investigation concluded that there are still (albeit a minority) people in cities and towns across America who believe what they see on television is reality, even given that the stations themselves tell the viewing public that their product is TV “programming”.

6 corporations control 90% of all media:
NewsCorp, Disney, GE, Viacom, Time Warner and CBS…

The News is Scripted

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