We at the Asylum absolutely LUV Stephen Coldbear, late night talk show guy, and all around genius. We wail and gnash our teeth when weekends come along, as there won’t be any new shows highlighting his (dim) wittiness, vain attempts at humor and overall superiority to lesser human beings, i.e., anyone other than Stephen Coldbear.
Dispatch from the Asylum’s investigative reporter and part-time dishwasher, Sven, was able to latch onto a few sticky notes from the desk of Stephen Coldbear during a recent trip to NYC , where he was checking out he latest in dishwasher head gear. Sven discovered the following little personal reminders of the important things on Stephen Coldbear’s mind:
- Mandatory background checks , vaccinations and inoculations for anyone in my general vicinity.
- Weed out and exterminate ‘Trumpsters’.
- Check with Vet to see if any of my dogs voted the ‘WRONG WAY”!
- Talk to cue-card guy about eliminating all vowels from mono-log text. They are sooooo, lame!
- Drop and eliminate all sponsors and advertisers and their families who oppose me and anyone who even ‘thought-about’ voting for Donald Dump. Including cousins, nieces, nephews, guppies and sea-monkeys! Ferrets are safe.
- Remember to get special head for electric razor to ensure epic, man-scaping.
- Meeting with staff: Green-Room is getting way too gay! (even for ME!)
- Pick-up medicinal ointment for Elon Musk’s ball-sack.
- We’re gonna ‘FIX’ this!
- Doctors appt., next Tuesday,’Area-51’…