Meet Your New Tri-Three Presidential Administration
by Decker – exclusive to Dispatches from the Asylum
In a stunning move, never done before in the history of the USA, media conglomerates CNN, MSNBC, ABC, NBC, FOX, CBS, AP, Reuters and PBS held a joint news conference today to announce that Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump and Jill Stein have agreed on a Tri-Presidency of the USA for the next 4 years.
The first of its’ kind “Tri-Three” concept came about after a few seconds of negotiations between Mrs. Clinton, Mr. Trump and Ms. Stein, concluding it was better to join forces rather than bring each other down. They are united, said a spokesperson for the Tri-Three Administration, to continue scamming citizens rather than make any real changes from the corruption-as-usual model that all administrations have employed post the JFK presidency.
The announcement comes after Jill Stein (Green Party presidential candidate) amassed more than $5 million for a recount in 3 closely contested states that Mr. Trump had won: Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin. The original recount request that Ms. Stein asked for was $2.5 million, but the “grass-roots” campaign was able to generate twice as much money as her presidential bid garnered – and accomplished it in just a few days. So stunning an achievement was this that Mr. Trump decided her knack of generating money almost out of thin air in just a few days time was worthy of more than just a cabinet post and would go a long way toward financing his wall, along with other racist, homophobic and misogynist projects that the main stream media have been reporting (and hoping) would be announced with his election to the Presidency.
Ms. Stein said she was anxious to get started with her initiatives, one of them being to create an agency to entice people to give their hard earned money to other hair-brained “grass roots” scams she has in mind, making the “fine print” more ambiguous than what was used for the recount idea, and changing the fine print every other day. Mr. Trump said it was “pure genius” to put a disclaimer in the recount fund raiser stating that donations given may not necessarily be used toward the recount. He also praised her ingenuity of setting the initial funding goal at $2.5 million but then raising the goal to $7 million after donations poured in over the holiday. She also upped the amount of lawyers fees from $1 million initially to $2-$3 million, and stated that funds donated may not go to recount efforts but could go to election reform and voting system reform. It wasn’t announced whether funds acquired from future shakedowns she’ll be introducing will be used for the stated purpose of the shakedown du jour or for whatever whims she and the other two presidents might have.
Hillary Clinton was asked to serve as one of the Tri-Presidents after the recount of the 3 states confirmed she had indeed lost, and an additional recount of closely contested states she had won confirmed that she had actually lost those as well. As Mr. Trump had previously announced he would not pursue charges against Mrs. Clinton, with hopes to help her heal, Mr. Trump thought asking Hillary to serve in the Tri-Three administration was the perfect opportunity for Mrs. Clinton to “rejuvenate” before hearings began regarding her Email/Benghazi/Clinton Foundation/ dealings once the new Tri-Three presidency begins. Mrs. Clinton said she was both honored and happy to serve as one of the Tri-Three Presidents. She took the opportunity to announce her plans to continue her alleged pilfering activities that she perfected with the Clinton Foundation and also stated she would try to convince Mr. Trump and Ms. Stein to bomb Iran and Russia back to the stone-age. She also stated she was interested in purchasing and then selling licensing agreements for servers for use for each government agency under her control and also wanted to create an Ethics in Government oversight committee to monitor actions taken by the Mr. Trump and Ms. Stein.
Alt-Right, Alt-Left, Sort of Left and Sort of Right organizations all simultaneously had a tissy-fit over the Tri-Three Presidency, saying that once again, those whom they represent wouldn’t be fully represented, and that more protests were sure to come, although they said they weren’t sure how future protests would be funded since their candidates were now part of the “system.”
PBS, speaking for all propaganda arms of the government, concluded that the Tri-Three presidency will allow every disenfranchised group in America to get a little but not a lot of what they want, except, of course, the average American who doesn’t belong to any such group and, as usual, will not be represented. “Better a little, than nothing,” said a spokesperson for the National Organization of Pissed Off Cry-Babies Who Didn’t Get What We Want, When We Wanted It (NOCBWDGWWWWWWI).
PBS lauded the move as a visionary one, and also were elated that they would be able to continue in their cushy jobs, promising to read every lie, half truth, misrepresentation and other assorted distortions of reality the teleprompter presented them exactly as written.
Mr. Trump promised to stop with cabinet selections and allow Ms. Stein and Mrs. Clinton to make their picks for secondary agencies that will be charged with the continued fleecing of Americans. Mr. Trump said he was happy to take a break from the strenuous task of interviewing lifetime ne’re-do-wells from past administrations, figuring he had done his part to continue with ‘business-as-usual’ with his pick of Congressman Mike Pompeo to head the CIA.
Mr. Pompeo introduced a bill back in April, 2014 called “the Dark Act”, banning states from passing laws mandating GMO labeling on food. And an additional bit of nastiness was his take on the fate of whistle-blower Edward Snowden, saying “He should be brought back from Russia and given due process, and I think the proper outcome would be that he would be given a death sentence.” At the Tri-Three press conference, Mr. Pompeo said that the average citizen is just too stupid and gets confused too easily to understand the difference between real food versus genetically engineered food. He went on to say that the CIA can’t be encouraging whistle blowers to come forth during the Tri-Three administration. What would become of the new administration if whistle blowers actually had the opportunity to come forward without fear of a death sentence hanging over their heads, he asked.
The Tri-Three news conference ended with all three presidents pledging to keep transparency in government – completely transparent, along with the CEO’s and main anchors of disinformation media outlets (DMO’s), promising cooperation and pledging to continue scamming and propagandizing citizens by any and all means possible, and in general, making the world intolerable for everyone, except themselves, of course.
…the insanity continues
Categories: Current Events