Henry, the resident canine extraordinaire here at the Asylum, whom we’ve come to find out is not just part Lab, but also mostly Catahoula Cur or Catahoula Leopard Dog, was disappointed that he hasn’t been asked to testify in Special counsel, Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russia’s role in the 2016 election (none so far guys, but we know you’ll keep trying until something is manufactured). He even went so far as to ask me to “photoshop” a couple of Russian hats on top of his head in hopes that might get him an invite. None so far.
Henry is particularly fascinated with the Russian language. From time to time, we here at the Asylum will practice saying a few choice Russian words because either we’re sick of the slop we’re writing or just want to have some fun with Henry. Pronouncing the ‘days of the week’ in Russian will get Henry running into the writer’s den here at the Asylum faster than the scent of another dog’s backside. (It helps to be a dog owner to get that reference). His front paws on the lap of this writer, he begs for more Russian pronunciations, tail wagging profusely with a face full of doggie kisses.
We adopted Henry from a local shelter here in our area – not sure of his “origins”, the shelter could only tell us that he was picked up as a stray somewhere in New Mexico. Now whether he made his way to New Mexico via Russia is another matter we’re investigating, because the inquiring minds of the Washington morons who are seeking testimony from any and all who may have been involved in the alleged Russian hacking of the 2016 election want to know. (Obviously, these clowns have nothing better to do.)
With the melodrama of Washington’s on-going crusade to rid themselves of the guy with orange hair so that they replace him with the guy with white hair, so that he can do the bidding of other guys with white hair without tweeting, going off script, threatening to build a wall, replacing Obamacare with an updated but equally insipid version and just being a pain in the ass to the other guys with white hair for the next three and half years is the obsession that continues to occupy the small minds of the other guys with white hair. Their obsession runs so deep we’re anticipating a call for Henry to testify – their mensa-like minds grasping at any available plastic straw in hopes to finally have the “goods” on the guy with orange hair. The main stream media likes to think this is like Watergate, but alas, an American public that suffers en masse from “phubbing” isn’t likely to raise their collective eyebrow from the screen of their mobile tracking device long enough to give a hoot.
Forget that we continue to be militarily involved in a country we’ve never been asked to assist (Syria), or that Yemen, where Cholera is killing a person every hour, continues to be devastated, with U.S. weapons sold to Saudis contributing to the humanitarian crisis, or that our poor, homeless, and sick among us continue to be cast to the curb in lieu of a military budget of $639.1 billion for 2018 alone. Nope, these kind of issues don’t matter – we’ve got a president to get rid of.
But there must be something to Henry’s enthrallment with all that is Russian?
Undertaking our own exhaustive investigation, we located a picture of none other than the evil menace himself, Vladimir Putin, channeling Henry’s inner thoughts. It’s only a matter of time before the aficionado’s of distaste, silliness and matters akin to high school proms residing in Washington will be calling Henry to testify.