Ass-Wipes and Swabs

Do you enjoy reading and listening to the latest hysteria from the corporate media?

Sure you do, because you just got back from loading your SUV or other planet-unfriendly vehicle with loads of toilet paper that you were able to procure from the corporate conglomerate seller of sludge because you descended upon the store at 7:00 am, knowing from your days when you worked the overnight shift as one of those zombie’s who restocked store shelves, that arriving early to procure necessities just might pay dividends…someday.

So, there it is…someday has arrived and you have ass-wipes that should last you for weeks.

But then, after shoving plastic containers of ass-wipes into corners of your crib here, there and everywhere, scaring the bejesus our of your cat, you kick off your shoes, nearly killing the cat from the stench, and sit down to binge-watch Netflix garbage to keep your mind occupied while the rest of the world is ass-wipe challenged.

You, being the loving child, call your parental’s to inquire if they have enough ass-wipes to get them from here to there…wherever ‘there’ might be.

As they too only listen to the corporate media joksters, their voices elevate an octave or two with concern, wondering if they have enough ass-wipes to get to ‘there’.

But then, other things need to be discussed – like whether the latest trip to the white lab coats, and the report they issued, indicate they are both suffering from kidney failure.

After 10 minutes spent conversing about anything other than ass-wipes, rolling your eyes with their kidney failure fantasies, you all conclude that between you an them, ass-wipes are covered and they don’t have kidney failure.  Whew!

But then, just what ‘if’ you have the shyte.  How will you know?  You don’t relish exiting your crib after stocking up on ass-wipes, after all, depending on what germs and other unmentionables from the tribe are resting comfortably on whatever inanimate object you might touch – it’s a roll of the dice that touching anything, might bring you the shyte.

But then, you read of the savior coming forth. Someone the ‘submissives” relish hearing from:

Gates-funded Program Will Soon Offer Home-Testing Kits for New Coronavirus – via seattletimes.com

Testing for the novel coronavirus in the Seattle area will get a huge boost in the coming weeks as a project funded by Bill Gates and his foundation begins offering home-testing kits that will allow people who fear they may be infected to swab their noses and send the samples back for analysis.

Results, which should be available in one to two days, will be shared with local health officials who will notify those who test positive. Via online forms, infected people can answer questions about their movements and contacts, making it easier for health officials to locate others who may need to be tested or quarantined, as well as to track the virus’ spread and identify possible hot spots.

Jesus, you think.  What a guy to come up with this! Thank the arse-hole gods in the sky that such “philanthropic” types are readily available to provide a need that so few knew they needed just a few weeks ago…all for a cost, of course. What billions can be reaped for the Gates Foundation…but no matter…they are the gods, right?

But, oh no! You swab your nostrils, send the snotty contents in to those who know better than you about everything under the sun, and they determine you have the shyte, and that a local governmental dickhead of health will be visiting you to tell you to keep your arse in your house.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph!  Thank God you got the needed ass-wipes.

Yet then, as you’re nearly vomiting from watching the deep shyte-hole of media offerings, while waiting for government a-holes to show up on your doorstep and tell you to “Q” your ass deep into your crib, you come across the following:

The Gates Foundation has also committed $100 million to the global coronavirus response, with an emphasis on vaccine and drug development and improved testing, treatment and control in vulnerable parts of Africa and South Asia.

So, the f**kers will keep this up with this shyte, as long as you’re willing to buy it. The poke in the arm of medical f**kery they come up with that you will have to buy – what harm can come?

After all, there are glories that await those who blindly take whatever poke, pill or test these shysters concoct. And these demons are counting that you will continue to buy their shyte.

***

Tonight’s musical offering:

Canon in D (Pachelbel’s Canon) – Cello & Piano

Photo by Marek Szturc on Unsplash

12 comments

  1. I just did my level best to read this, aloud, to my significant other…and nearly couldn’t. It was difficult to see the words thru the tears and even more difficult to speak the words thru choking laughter. I couldn’t see, couldn’t speak and couldn’t breathe.

    I made my monthly trip to our local Costco for normal supplies…local being a relative term…one county over. I found signs stating that cases of water were limited to two. All the restaurant size bags of sugar and rice were gone with signs above the empty spaces stating bags were limited to five. I noticed that all the crates of Clorox double-packaged wipes were nowhere to be found. Kirkland brand toilet paper was completely gone. I’ve had a Costco membership going back at least 15 years. I’ve never seen anything like this. Sugar & rice? What? All they are concerned with is making rice wine and tending to a still? SMDH.

    Same thing at a Harris Teeter. All of their bleach was gone, as well as all the Clorox & Lysol wipes. They left behind the spray bottles with the same concoctions. They just wanted those damn wipes…and the bottles of bleach. Boggles a sane mind.

    Liked by 5 people

      1. I forgot to mention…remembered it, talking to the SO, later…that it was also the first time I had been stopped at the bay-door entrance to have my cart grips wiped down for me with employee-hoarded wipes (since shoppers snatched all of the Clorox containers). He laughed and said “WTF good does that do? You’ve already touched the grips. Did they wipe your hands down for you, too? Hand you your own wipe?” Yeah. No. LOL!

        Everyone has to show membership cards before entering the bay door but, it’s the first time they wiped my “worlds largest shopping cart.” 😳

        I just learned, recently, that outsiders were being stopped from shopping without memberships. I never knew that. I didn’t think they would let you shop without one. Maybe they just didn’t want the extra cost & labor to wipe down carts of non-members. 🤔🤨

        Liked by 1 person

    1. OH NO, Hinoeuma!

      “I couldn’t see, couldn’t speak and couldn’t breathe.”

      Did Decker’s blog give you the dreaded Corona?

      Take it easy, take two aspirin and call Dr. Tubularsock in the morning!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. The scares arrive almost as regularly as Christmas, and yet people still get caught up in them.
    Humans apparently enjoy the threat of apocalypse. Maybe it gives them hope that they won’t have to worry about mowing the lawn.

    Liked by 3 people

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