“The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” ― Douglas Adams
Fictional stories from kids can be at least amusing, depending on the kid doing the writing, but the DHS is giving even the most brilliantly talented youngster a run for their money in what is amusing fiction, and of course, full of complete bullshit too.
It appears that ICE choked a 55-year-old Cuban immigrant to death in a Texas detention facility.
A medical examiner told Geraldo Lunas Campos’s family that, unless a toxicology report comes back with something, he will likely rule his death a homicide, according to a recording reviewed by The Washington Post. But the Department of Homeland Security claims that Lunas Campos died taking his own life.
“Campos violently resisted the security staff and continued to attempt to take his life…. During the ensuing struggle, Campos stopped breathing and lost consciousness,” a DHS spokesperson said, using very passive language. “Medical staff was immediately called and responded. After repeated attempts to resuscitate him, EMTs declared him deceased on the scene.”
The dude VIOLENTLY resisted security staff as he was attempting to off himself? And then he just stopped breathing and lost consciousness? Choice bat guano there.
Witnesses told the Post a very different story.
Fellow detainee Santos Jesus Flores watched at least five guards struggle with Lunas Campos after he refused to enter his unit, complaining that he was without his required medications. Flores then said he watched guards choking Lunas Campos while he said, “No puedo respirar” over and over, Spanish for “I can’t breathe.” Medics tried to resuscitate him for an hour before removing his body.
“He said, ‘I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe.’ After that, we don’t hear his voice anymore and that’s it,” Flores said.
If what Flores says is true, then McLaughlin’s previous explanation—that Campos just somehow “stopped breathing and lost consciousness”—is damn near malpractice. It’s unclear whether anyone will face any kind of repercussions for killing this man, given ICE agents’ total lack of accountability. An estimated 280 people have died in ICE custody since 2004, and four have died already this year. A just society would not allow this killing to go untried. But based on these killings—from Campos to Keith Porter Jr. to Renee Good—we’re far from that ever being a reality. newrepublic.com
Isn’t it cool that these goons can weave fictional tales around the people they kill? They seem to think so.
In a lighter, more satirical fashion…
Greatest ever FIFA Peace Prize winner is finally given Nobel Peace Prize by woman he bullied
The greatest ever winner of the FIFA Peace Prize, Donald Trump, has finally been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. If you’re unfamiliar with the Nobel Peace Prize, it is usually given to the least bad war criminal of the last 12 months. This differs from the FIFA Peace Prize which is given to the person who can help the FIFA president avoid corruption charges.
Given that Trump only launched 622 bombings against seven countries over a 12-month period, he thought he was a shoo-in for the Nobel Peace Prize. However, it was controversially awarded to the woman we are pretending is the rightful leader of Venezuela.
Maria Machado edged Trump by dropping no bombs, although she did beg for her own country to be bombed, which is a war crime and act of treason. We can’t have a Nobel Peace Prize winner be too peaceful, can we?
Some argue the Nobel Peace Prize shouldn’t go to war criminals at all. It should go to people who try to avoid wars, meaning Trump should never have been under consideration, but this is unfair on the man who once faked bone spurs to avoid Vietnam. Maria Machado has never done anything so brave.
Trump was so upset that he wasn’t given the prize that he refused to install Machado after he kidnapped Venezuela’s president. In a cruel blow, he left Nicolas Maduro’s vice president in charge. Machado had quite literally sold her soul for this role (just check out those demonic eyes) and Trump ditched her out of pure spite.
Machado was desperate to win over Trump so she offered to share the prize with him like it’s a girl on Epstein island, but sadly, that is against Nobel rules, so now she has just given it to him. Yes, Maria Machado has given her award away in the hope Trump will give her a country where everyone hates her!
Technically, giving the prize away is also against Nobel rules so think of this as a participation trophy, something we give to losers to make them feel better about themselves. Trump can now say he has won two totally real peace prizes, which I’m pretty sure is better than Obama x
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Tonight’s musical offering:
So Very Hard to Go – Leonid & Friends (Tower of Power cover)
Dispatches from the Asylum 