Riding a stunning wave of what success looks like on the path to Hell, woke arseholes, with the entrails of hyenas for brains, got together and came up with….this?
NOT THE ONION: Cervical Cancer Fund Suggests Calling Vaginas ‘Bonus Holes’ to Avoid Offending Transgender People – via thegatewaypundit.com
Jo’s Cervical Cancer Trust, based in the UK, suggested the language in 2020 — but it just went viral after it was noticed by people and posted to Twitter.
“Bonus hole – An alternative word for the vagina. It is important to check which words someone would prefer to use,” the glossary on the trust’s website states.
The website claims, “Using the correct language when referring to someone’s gender identity is a simple and effective way to demonstrate support and recognition. If incorrect language is used without being corrected, it can cause someone to feel hurt or distressed. This may lead them to leave and to eventually seek support elsewhere.”
According to a report from the Daily Caller, the glossary was made in conjunction with the LGBT Foundation, a charity that campaigns for LGBT rights.
Naturally, the term “bonus hole” was not well received on social media.
“Females really went from ‘women’ to ‘birthing people’ to ‘bonus holes’ in the span of 5 years,” Tom Pappert, editor-in-chief of Valiant News Lives, tweeted.
New candidates every minute.
And in Hollywood news, though it’s a satirical piece…it really isn’t.
Hollywood Concerned As They’re Running Out Of Beloved Movie Heroes To Turn Into Sad, Pathetic Old Failures – via babylonbee.com
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Following the release of the latest chapter in the Indiana Jones series, Hollywood producers worry they’re running out of cherished classic movie heroes to turn into sad, pathetic, old failures.
“Indiana Jones is the cultural icon of virility and energy,” Jackson Jones, producer at LucasFilms Ltd., said. “What we’ve done in the latest movie is create an Indiana-Jones-esque character that’s just sort of a flaccid old cranky bummer who sucks at life. It makes us wonder: what other beloved movie characters can we neuter and ruin? Don’t worry, we’re on the hunt!”
Disney producers have announced they’re also searching for more old characters to turn into sad parodies of themselves.
“Luke Skywalker was a hero for the ages,” Lucasfilm Producer Kathleen Kennedy told reporters. “We’re proud of the way we took his character and just ground it into dust, poured gasoline on the dust, lit that dust on fire, and then urinated on the ashes before shoveling up the remains and flushing them down the toilet, after which we condemned everyone who hated what we did to the character as a racist. Ha! Classic!”
Three new Indiana Jones movies are in the works, including a storyline that sees Indy fighting for the good seat at bingo night and failing everyone who ever depended on him in his life. The films will also star Phoebe Waller-Bridge as a delightfully insufferable know-it-all who is good at everything all the time.
At publishing time, sources confirmed there were still some Luke Skywalker fans out there, leading Lucasfilm to announce a Star Wars reboot that will recast Luke as a Communist black trans woman.
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Tonight’s musical offerings:
Spooky – Atlanta Rhythm Section
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Sopwith Camel – Fazon (1973)
Dispatches from the Asylum 
‘Bonus holes.’
The idiocy is bottomless…
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