The weekend arrives and with it comes the inevitable conundrum pressing upon most Americans’ minds: how do I find enough activities to cram into two days so that I haven’t enough time to think and can remain ignorant, just like during the week?

Not to worry, your friendly government agency has some things for you to ponder, and maybe even practice to keep your mind boggled with all sorts of fanatical shite:

If a nuclear bomb is dropped on your city, here’s what you should (and shouldn’t) do to increase your chance of staying alive – via businessinsider.com

Yes, Business Insider….do share what we ordinary shin splints can do to survive a nuclear blast sure to dust millions almost everywhere, except for us smart ones reading this article.

Nuclear weapons are the deadliest weapons ever invented and have gotten a lot stronger since they were used in Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945.

In the unlikely event of a nuclear impact, those closest to the bomb face near-certain death. For those further away, there are simple tips and tricks to increase the chance of survival.

DO:  Drop to the ground with your face down and your hands tucked under your body.

Sure, why not!  Since experts agree that 90% of the American population will believe any claptrap that comes out of the mouths of government hyenas, this one is a no-brainer…they’ll believe anything.

DON’T:  Stare directly at the blast.

Why not?  Imagine the colors sure to blow your retinas, then your mind.

DO: Cover your face with a towel or piece of clothing.

Oops!  This is serious business, let’s continue.

DO:  Find a brick or concrete building, such as a school or office.

We are talking about a nuclear bomb here, right?

DO: Take a shower as soon as possible.

Yes, because even though it’s a nuclear bomb exploding, science says that they’ll be showers and running water available for all.

DON’T: Use conditioner after you shampoo.

Wait…wuuuuut?

Jesus Christ!  That does it!  How can I be expected to go out into public again if the hair on my head isn’t perfectly coiffed?  I mean, think of the bad impression I might make on others who also survived a nuclear blast by reading this article.  I won’t do it.  I won’t!

This was a ‘for real’ article.   If you’re still pondering, thinking, surely there must be more I can do, here’s a link to the full article from June 9th, 2023, and to the CDC’s list of the 13 do’s and don’ts in case of a nuclear attack. 

Now get into it and go out there and have a kick-ass weekend!

And today’s public service announcement:

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Today’s musical offering:

Trijnte Oosterhuis, Vince Mendoza & WDR BIG BAND – ‘The Summer Knows’